


(Though it's Cold and Lonely in the Deep Dark Night) I Can See Paradise by the Console Light

by DevinBourdain



Series: Saturn's Rings series [2]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Anxiety, Disability, Fluff, M/M, McCoy and Kirk making friends all over the place, Missing Ring, PTSD, Panic Attacks, Relationship Revelations, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Weddings, attempt at writing something with fluff elements, but some are, mentions of Khan and Nero, not all surprises are good, slight AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-09
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-10 07:21:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 16,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27966728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DevinBourdain/pseuds/DevinBourdain
Summary: A Vulcan medical conference, Leonard can’t think of anything worse; the universe, never fails to rise to the challenge.  Stuck in a damaged shuttle, Leonard and Jim have nothing to do but delve into their deepest fears and biggest regrets as they wait to see if the Enterprise is going to rescue them in time.Set in the Saturn’s rings universe.
Relationships: James T. Kirk/Leonard "Bones" McCoy
Series: Saturn's Rings series [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1935181
Comments: 45
Kudos: 67





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: The Star Trek characters are not mine, just borrowed for this story.  
> Warnings: language and violence.  
> Comments are always welcome and appreciated

Jim's humming again. He's been doing it a lot lately Leonard's noticed. Only when they're alone and Jim's lost in some mindless activity and always the same melody. Leonard's heard it somewhere before, but he's not so familiar with it he can actually put a name or words to it. Jim's not usually a hummer though. It's kind of infuriating right now given the state Leonard's in. "You're just going to sit there humming?" snaps Leonard exacerbated as he looks under one of the couch cushions again.

"Am I?" asks Jim. Leonard's caught him mid note. He didn't realize he'd been doing it, but the song's been stuck in his head for awhile so it makes sense. "I can stop if it's bothering you," he offers.

"No," Leonard insists. "That's not what's bothering me. It's actually kind of nice." It's once in a blue moon that Jim feels relaxed and comfortable enough to let his guard down like this. It's nothing against Leonard, more a sad truth to the complexities of Jim's condition that keeps moments like this from being the norm. But it would be nice if Jim got off his ass to help. "What is it?" He picks up the pile of PADDs Jim's left on the table for fifth time and still his ring hasn't appeared.

"Hmmm?" hums Jim, already lost in whatever he's doing on his PADD. "What's what?"

Leonard rolls his eyes. "The song."

Jim furrows his brow but doesn't look up. "What song?"

"The Song. The one that you're humming. What's the song?" clarifies Leonard throwing his hands in the air as he surveys their quarters with a glare, like the place is intentionally keeping his possession from him.

"Oh," replies Jim, finally giving Leonard his attention. "Some classical song that was loaded into the player in my dad's garage. I guess he used to listen to it when he was working on his bikes or classic car. I used to sneak out there at night and lie in the front seat and listen to his song list."

"That's nice," says Leonard frantically attacking the cupboards in the kitchen.

"What are you looking for?" demands Jim. Leonard's been a tornado of frantic energy all day.

"My ring. I can't find my damn ring!" He's only been in a fit about it for the last two days.

"Still?" ask Jim a little surprised.

"Yes, still! I never take it off and now it's gone," he snarls. He can't lose it, it's irreplaceable. Jim gave him that ring. Sure when they said I do, they didn't exchange rings but Jim was bleeding to death in the back of a shuttle as they escaped from the Narada. Jim had gotten it after. Leonard doesn't know how Jim pulled it off but the first time he watched Jim walk across the room on his own, Jim had walked over to the side table in his hospital room and pulled it out.

It fit perfectly then. They were both still underweight from captivity and by the end of the year it was rather snug on Leonard's ring finger. When Jim petitioned for a divorce, Leonard couldn't bear to part with it. Jim may have fallen out of love but Leonard hadn't, so he moved the ring over to his pinkie finger. It honoured Jim's request but kept Jim close to Leonard's heart and it fit better on that finger. Except maybe not, because he woke up two days ago and it was gone. At first he thought it had gotten lost in the tangled bed sheets after an enthusiastic night of passion with Jim, but he's torn the bedroom apart four times now. He even ran a tricorder over Jim to make sure the idiot didn't swallow it when he was sucking chocolate sauce off Leonard's fingers that night.

"You need to relax. I'm the manic one remember? It's not a good look on you," cautions Jim with a bemused smile. "Maybe you left it in a patient when you operated on them?"

Leonard grabs a pair of socks Jim's left lying on the counter and tosses them at Jim's head. This isn't a joke to him. That ring means something. It's a part of him.

"It's around here somewhere. It's very unlikely it grew legs and walked away," says Jim casually as his attention falls back to his PADD. "It will turn up," he adds sincerely.

"You sure?" asks Leonard flopping dramatically on the couch and gently pulling on Jim's arm so he leans into Leonard on the couch. He pulls the PADD out of Jim's hands and set it down on the table.

Jim laces his fingers with Leonard's. "It will be back where it belongs eventually. You're too stubborn to let it be lost." Jim lets his head lull against Leonard's chest, listening to the steady and reassuring beat of his heart.

"I feel naked without it," confesses Leonard.

"That's something I can get behind," hums Jim into Leonard's chest. "Clear your calendar for the next few days, I'm going to make sure you're too busy to remember you're missing your ring."

Leonard hums appreciatively as Jim's hand works its way up Leonard's thigh, gently caressing his skin through his pants in search of an entrance to actual skin. A few days off would be fantastic and he is due for a holiday, but… "I have that conference to attend, remember?"

"Oh, right," says Jim with a pout. "Thwarted again."

"No parties," says Leonard, sternly. He doesn't need a lecture from his Captain about providing adult supervision for Jim when he gets back.

"Parties?" scoffs Jim, "I'm not some teen whose parents are going away for the weekend." Except he kind of is. Scotty and he have been brewing a batch of homemade liquor in the back recesses of the engine room for just such an occasion. And Chekov had been moping lately of his lack of courage to make a move on some nurse.

"No parties," reiterates Leonard. "Don't make me have Chekov babysit."

"Chekov? You do understand that the babysitter is supposed to be older than the kids?"

"Yeah, but he's the only one I'd trust out of you lot to not be swinging from the chandeliers by the time I hit the shuttle."

Jim holds up his left hand and looks Leonard squarely in the eyes. "I swear, I will not throw a party on the Enterprise while you are scheduled to be at the conference," he says solemnly.

"Umm-hum." Leonard has a bad feeling about taking M'Benga's place at the conference. M'Benga had cancelled last minute for the Vulcan medial conference and while normally it would mean M'Benga would present his research paper another time, Spock had been rather insistent that Leonard do the presentation on M'Benga's behalf and represent the Enterprise at the conference. Technically, Leonard can blame them for anything that happens while he's away.

* * *

Leonard swings the strap of his bag over his shoulder and heads out the door. He dragged out packing in the hopes that Jim would surface from wherever he disappeared to in the middle of the night but no such luck. He hopes Jim isn't off pouting somewhere or worse plotting something.

"So you're off?" asks Uhura, running into him in the corridor. She falls into step with him.

Leonard hefts his bag in response. "A week among Vulcans, I can't imagine a worse scenario."

A faint smile caresses her face. She could imagine far worse things. "Where's Jim?"

Leonard looks over his shoulder for any sign that his husband remembered he's scheduled to leave now. He hates shuttles and he hates leaving Jim. It would be nice to have a kiss and a proper send off, but he understands Jim deals with things in his own way. "Off sulkin' or executing a hostile takeover. Maybe both."

"Should we be worried?"

Leonard lets out a long drawn breath. "Probably. You'll keep an eye on him?" he asks hopefully.

"I can get Spock to assign an armed security detail to follow him around," she responds playfully.

"That might not be enough." He tries to tell himself that it's more anxiety based on being on a shuttle with some junior officer for a pilot followed by a planet full of Spocks and less worry about leaving his husband, a grown assed man, alone to his own devices. He rubs his thumb over the exposed skin of his pinkie finger. This week isn't shaping up to be the best. "What are the odds of using your good graces with the Captain to get him to spare a real pilot for this circus? Sulu or Chekov, I'm not picky."

"Still afraid to fly? You live on a Starship."

"That Starship is piloted by marginally competent people and only slightly less likely to experience catastrophic failure," he cautions. He'd been managing his fear pretty well but the more he thinks about this trip to more his fear and anxiety seem to rage out of control.

"You think we're competent and not going to die? I'll let everyone know. They'll be thrilled that our CMO is warming up to us." At face value it's not the highest compliment in the land but coming from Leonard, they must have a good thing going on here.

"I said marginally competent. I wouldn't want those two getting big heads and crash us into something. And we still can get wiped out by special anomalies, aggressive aliens and undiscovered plagues."

It's not the first time she's heard this rant, though after all these years she'd thought he might have outgrown his fear. "We're here," she says as they approach the shuttle bay doors.

The shuttle bay is full of red shirts scrambling around like ants, preparing for the departure of the shuttle Chandler. "I don't see why the Enterprise can't drop me off," grumbles Leonard navigating his way through the flight crew and the clutter of equipment and parts on the floor to get to the shuttle. The graveyard of parts doesn't exactly inspire confidence.

"Spock's responsible for picking up that special ambassador from Talis Five. But we will be back in four days to meet up with you. You just have to take the shuttle there," assures Uhura.

"Assuming it makes it there," grumbles Leonard, stepping over a piece he knows belongs in a shuttle and not on the floor.

"She'll make it there," assures Scotty with pride as he closes the repair hatch and wipes his wrench off.

Leonard wishes he shared Scotty's confidence. There's a look of love on Scotty's face, that Leonard would have for his daughter; he hopes it's not misplaced by Scotty on this shuttle.

"Bones!" cries Jim cheerfully as he pokes his head out of the shuttle. "You're late. We better get a move on if we're going to make up the time," he adds taking Leonard's bag and stepping back into the shuttle.

" _We're?"_ stammers Leonard as his brain stutters. That's only the first problem with that statement. He's hardly late, but more importantly, Jim thinks he's invited.

"Yeah, I'm coming. Someone has to peel you off the shuttle floor when we get there," Jim calls over his shoulder as he stows Leonard's bag.

Uhura and Scotty seem unfazed by this turn of events. Leonard looks around for the pilot. Hopefully someone can shed some reason on the situation. "Where's ensign… what's his damn name."

"That's the best part," says Jim returning to the shuttle door a little too enthusiastic for Leonard's liking, "I'm going to be your pilot."

Uhura tries to hide her snicker. Leonard's head snaps around to glare at her anyways.

"Relax, Bones. I cleared it with the Captain first," assures Jim. "You look like you're terrified to spend the week with me."

"You did?" He's not opposed to the idea of getting some quality time in with Jim, hell it could be the one redeeming point of this trip, but he doesn't need to get accused of taking a stowaway with him if Jim's bullshitting to get his way.

A smug look crosses Jim's face. "Yes. In case you forgot, the captain kind of owes me." He grabs Leonard by the arm and drags him onto the shuttle.

"Good luck with the space pirates and incurable plagues," bids Uhura. "We wouldn't be that sad if you left Jim somewhere," she shouts to Leonard as he steps inside the shuttle.

"I didn't forget. No one will ever forget," says Leonard rolling his eyes and dragging his feet as Jim pulls him along and shoves him in a seat. "You won't let anyone forget. Just how long are you going to exploit your heroism for anyways?" He can't imagine Spock will indulge Jim's ridiculous and often inane requests for much longer. And Jim gets a little ornery when he doesn't get his way.

"Until he escorts me off the ship in handcuffs," replies Jim, flopping into the seat beside Leonard to plot their flight path. It's kind of a hollow joke that doesn't seem to lighten Leonard's mood any. "Just hold that thought," he adds, bounding out his seat to grab a medium sizes box out of the cargo hold of the shuttle and run to catch up to Uhura.

"I almost forgot," he says, handing the package off to Uhura. "As promised. You have no idea what I had to do to get it. I feel kind of cheap now," he says suggestively.

"I don't want to hear about you sexual exploits, Kirk," says Uhura, with her most unimpressed glare. Those are the last images she needs running through her mind.

"That's a shame, I'm dying to hear some of yours," he says with a smirk until she slaps him in the back of the head.

"Leave Spock alone," she warns, taking the box with her. She's tired of trying to explain Jim's only being overly forward because it throws Spock. Not to mention Jim Kirk is the last person who should be discussing her relationship with Spock, even if in some weird way he is trying to help. She does not need his help for anything. Well maybe this _one_ thing. She takes the box safely to her quarters before heading to the bridge for her shift.

Leonard still looks apprehensive, like Jim's going to fly the shuttle into a sun or something as he flops back in the pilot seat.

"What was that about?" asks Leonard. Uhura tolerates Jim, mostly for Leonard's benefit and because Jim can't help but burn any feelings of friendship she might have for Jim by Jim being… well full on Jim.

"I wanted to see if I could borrow her handcuffs for the weekend. She has those reinforced ones because of that Vulcan strength or whatever," deadpans Jim. "Did you really think you you'd have fun without me there?" he asks because he's actually kind of surprised Leonard didn't ask him to go in the first place. It shows real growth that Leonard was prepared to leave him unsupervised. Or maybe Jim is slouching in the sex department lately.

"You do realize it's a medical conference with a bunch of Vulcans. Do you think you're going to have fun there?" he cautions. This is work thing not a trip to Risa. It's long workshops with medical professionals rattling on about things only medical professionals can get remotely excited about. It's not something that's going to hold Jim's attention and Leonard can't just go run and play when Jim gets board.

"Are you trying to get away from me?" Jim feigns hurt.

God no. He can't imagine anything better than a weekend to worship every inch of Jim in some place tropical with room service. That's just not this trip. The apology for ever making Jim think he would want to spend a minute apart dies on his lips as Jim adds suggestively, "I can think of some things we can try that will inject some excitement into this conference."

Leonard frowns and crosses his arms. "We are not having public sex in front of all things, a room full of Vulcans," he snaps. Give the kid an inch and he's already gone four miles.

"Not with that attitude," he mutters, punching in the takeoff sequence. "They might be into it. They might _learn_ something. It is a medical conference after all."

"Remove exhibitionism from your bucket list, Jim," says Leonard tiredly.

Jim laughs. "Crossed that one off the list over two decades ago."

The shuttle bay clears. Jim waits for the doors to open to the endless expanse of space and flies them out. Leonard takes one last look at the Enterprise. It's going to be a long week.

* * *

Leonard's breathe hisses out between clenched teeth. He's mentally counting down the minutes until they arrive at their destination. There's far too many. He's liable to sprain something before they even reach the half way point if he doesn't find a way to relax. Every bleep and blip of the replicator in the back just ratchets his tension up another degree. He's torn between wanting to strangle Jim for not taking this more seriously and envying his blissful ignorance and wanton disregard for the dangers of space travel. Mostly, he's just trying not to throw up.

"Thi in't half ad," Jim mangles around a mouthful of sandwich.

Leonard closes his eyes in a half hearted attempt to find his zen. "I don't speak whatever language that is," he says clipped. "Chew your food. You'd think you were raised in a barn or something."

"I was," replies Jim cheerfully. He grabs half the sandwich, leaving the other half and plate behind and flops down in the pilot's chair. "Are you sure you don't want one? I've actually got the computer to replicate the jam recipe almost exactly to your grandmother's recipe. It's pretty good." He waves the sandwich in Leonard's general direction for emphasis; crumbs and gobs of jam landing on the control console. The computer beeps and chirps as Jim wipes it off with his sleeve.

"Would you quit screwing around!" snaps Leonard. He can hear the computer's voice echoing in his head. ' _Warning. Force field integrity is failing.'_

"You know, you really have to work on your aviophobia of yours," says Jim, eyeing his husband sceptically. Leonard's white knuckling the arm rest of his seat and probably has since Jim got up to get lunch, leaving the shuttle in the very capable hands of the computer. "You did take several flight courses at the academy and passed." Leonard's never had a deep seeded love for space travel but his fear hasn't been this bad since before they graduated.

Leonard looks less then pleased and even more uncomfortable. "Yeah, I took some introductory classes into speaking Olebrainian too but I wouldn't say I couldn't start an international incident if I tried speaking it."

"It's fine, Bones," Jim laughs. They're in a state of the art shuttle in familiar space, it doesn't get much safer. "I know what I'm doing. Watch this," he proclaims, changing course.

The shuttle veers to the right, picking up speed. Leonard can feel his chest growing tighter as the objects in the view screen get bigger. He tries not to think about it. Jim is actually a rather skilled pilot; he takes to space flight like ducks do water. He should be fine but he can't seem to convince his body.

The shuttle swings back and forth artfully dodging the brightly colourful asteroids that make up the Ketleran Belt. The beautiful metallic rocks of various sizes pass by. The multicoloured and metallic sheen of the rocks reflect back the rays of the distant sun creating an aurora effect that is both heavenly and legendary. Leonard has a front row seat to something people come far and wide to catch a glimpse of and he can't unscrew his eyes to see it.

This is the perfect way to inject a little romance into this flight. Clearly Leonard needs some time to relax. Things have been a little hectic lately, but Jim didn't realize his husband was feeling this much pressure. Truth is, Jim's been rather distracted of late. He's going to make up for that now. A bottle of champagne would be a perfect touch. They can be a little late for their appointment; self care is important too.

Jim turns in his seat to use his awesome powers of persuasion to convince Leonard this is the perfect opportunity for some mind blowing sex under one of the most romantic space shows around. Instead of wide-eyed wonder or at least a shuttle tolerant Leonard, Jim's stomach drops. "I thought you had this under control?" asks Jim, all traces of humour disappearing. This is a little more than Leonard being cranky or overly tense. This is worse than Jim's ever seen it.

"I did!" snaps Leonard, starting to hyperventilate. The air feels so thick, it's like trying to suck solid mass through a straw. Tremors run through his hands but they don't outright shake because he's hanging on for dear life. It's not like Jim's a bad pilot. The flight's been as smooth as glass but just staring out at vast black backdrop of the universe leaves Leonard feeling like he's in free fall. "Almost getting jettisoned into space from the cargo bay a few months ago has convinced me otherwise."

 _Shit._ The confession is a punch in the gut. Jim's been so busy riding the high of Leonard being alive and retaking the ship from Khan that he hasn't given much thought to the fallout. Leonard gets cranky, he bitches extra hard, he calls Jim an immature child an insane amount, and then he's over it. Leonard's always okay. Except now he's not. "Why didn't you tell me?" asks Jim. He's a mess of conflicting emotions; concern that his husband is struggling and hurt that he's been left out of what is clearly throwing Leonard's world into chaos. This information is rather important. Jim never would have done this if he knew this would be the reaction.

Leonard places a steadying hand on the edge of the console and shoots Jim an especially irritated glare. If he's been walking up every night in a cold sweat since it happened, that's entirely his business. And it's not like Jim's plate isn't excessively full. Worrying about Leonard being skittish about space and flying again shouldn't be Jim's burden. It will pass. Leonard will get a handle on it because there are more important things to worry about. It doesn't feel like it as he's gulping for air, but he will. "Haven't exactly been in a shuttle or cargo bay since."

"We could go back," offers Jim a little deflated. He didn't think it was possible for Leonard's glare to sharpen even more, but clearly Jim's been underestimating things for awhile now.

"Got a job to do," huffs Leonard. Time is coming to a standstill; the shuttle both too big and too small round him. "I'm a goddamn Starfleet officer." He's really gasping for breath now.

"Alright, alright," soothes Jim, jumping to his feet. He gets not wanting to fold under the pressure of wearing that uniform. He grabs Leonard's warm rigid hands and pulls him out of his seat to the floor. Leonard's not fighting Jim's direction but he's so tense he's not exactly cooperating either. It's like moving dead weight and almost too taxing for Jim's leg. He get's Leonard settled, sitting behind him on the floor and wrapping his arms around his husband. He can feel the stutter of Leonard's chest as he fights to keep breathing.

"Let's just focus on something else. How many lights on the replicator?" asks Jim, making a conscious effort to take deep breaths so Leonard can feel the rise and fall of Jim's chest against his back.

"Th- three," manages Leonard.

"Good," encourages Jim. "Now let's focus on the texture of your ri-" Jim's finger strokes the stretch of skin normally covered by Leonard's ring. "The carpet," he amends. He can feel Leonard's arm tremble as his fingers explore the rough compressed fibres.

"Now just focus on the rhythm of my breathing and try to copy. Breathe in and feel my chest expand. Breathe out and feel the air flow out allowing my chest to decompress. Feel the air expand your chest, then feel it leave," instructs Jim. He can feel Leonard trying to copy. Slowly, Leonard's short choppy breaths become slower and steadier.

It's weird being on this side of things. Like being in a foreign land Jim has to navigate with a map he only has in memory. He's not sure if being the reassuring one is any less frightening than being the one panicking. Watching Leonard go through it, is its own kind of helplessness. Whoever though Jim would prefer being the one that frequently loses touch with reality?

"Can you tell me where we are?" asks Jim softly.

"God damn shuttle craft," grumbles Leonard through clenched teeth. If Leonard hadn't been forced on to one, then Jim would never know his husband was falling apart.

Jim was hoping for a little less hostility and a little more calm, but it's not desperate gasps- so, win. "And I'm right here," adds Jim, gently.

"And you're right here," parrots Leonard, gripping Jim's hands even tighter like he's about to fall off the edge and only Jim can keep him on solid ground.

"I'm right here," hums Jim, the soft vibrations of his words prickling the skin along Leonard's neck where Jim is nuzzling him.

"So you do pay attention," huffs Leonard, still trying to get himself under control. He's been working with Jim on this technique for years in the hopes Jim will implement it when Leonard isn't around. He can't count on other people to know what to do to help Jim so he's tried to prepare Jim to be able to handle things himself.

Jim shrugs even though Leonard can't see him. It's not the first time he's been accused of being smart. "I just like it better when you do it with me."

Leonard can feel the impish smile spread across Jim's face. "You're shameless."

"If you're just figuring that out, I feel like we've missed a lot of opportunities to try new things."

Leonard's head drops forward. Always making jokes. Jim's ability to laugh things off is both envious and enraging. "What were you thinking?" sighs Leonard, slightly pained. He's been running it over in his head for awhile now and it just feels like he had the live show version of what led to that scar slithering around Jim's left arm.

Jim scoots over so he's not staring at the back of Leonard's head. "I thought I could show my husband something breath taking. It's been on my bucket list and we happened to be in the area," replies Jim casually. It's not that big a deal, granted if he knew Leonard would have a panic attack he might have approached it a little differently but Leonard obviously needs to unwind.

Leonard scowls. That's not what he's talking about at all. "The cargo bay," he corrects, "what were you thinking in the cargo bay? Khan was going to kill you."

 _Oh._ Leonard wants to talk about _that_. Jim bites the inside of his lip. He'd hoped Leonard hadn't noticed, hadn't put two and two together and come to the grim conclusion of four. "I was trying to save the ship, our friends. Khan breaking my face wasn't in the fine details," he says with as much concern as if he tripped getting out of bed or banged his elbow on the counter. Things worked out, does it really matter what could have happened?

It kind of pisses Leonard off, how Jim can care so deeply and risk so much for everyone else but never about or for himself. The active brush off of what Jim was obviously going to do is just another knife in Leonard's still aching soul. "What were you doing Jim?" he repeats tiredly. He's not going to be made a widow under the guise of heroics.

Jim can't bring himself to say it. In the wake of Leonard being alive, the admission makes him feel dirty. "Doing what needed to be done," he says defensively. The thought that Leonard was dead certainly made the decision easier, but if Jim's going to be honest, he'd have sacrificed himself either way. Without Leonard, life just seems like a cold endless void, impossible to get through. If his death means Leonard gets to live, then there's no question about what has to be done. It should be that simple; he should be able to say it to Leonard's face with all the conviction he feels. He can't.

Jim's spent a large chunk of his life, particularly his youth hating his father for not being around. No, George wasn't some deadbeat that left his wife and children to fend for themselves. He imagines if given the choice, George would have chosen to be with them. He remembers listening to his mother regal them with George's heroics so he gets the importance of what George did for the ship, for them, for _Jim._ It's never made it hurt any less or take the sting away of having to grow up alone. Jim can absolutely understand Leonard's position in this argument. Except for the first time, he truly gets George's sacrifice. He understands what kind of love demands that kind of a sacrifice.

Leonard really wishes Nero had destroyed Jim's innate heroic streak when he tried to destroy everything else. "Coming home to me at the end of the day needs to be done too, and only you can do that." Leonard reaches out for Jim's hand.

Jim takes it, looking grim. The equation always seems so simple- as long as Leonard is safe, Jim's fate is inconsequential. It's rather daunting to know that Jim can do all the right things, all the heroic things that need to be done, and still hurt Leonard in ways no one else can. They're two peas in a pod.

Jim squeezes Leonard's hand. "I Jim Kirk-McCoy," starts Jim.

"Oh, we're hyphenating now?" asks Leonard, raising an eyebrow. Jim's been using Leonard's last name to hide out for so long, it sounds weird to hear Jim actually utter the word Kirk. Though if Leonard's being honest, hearing the name Jim Kirk still makes his insides flutter and quake.

"I want to make this really official," scolds Jim with a loving frown. He doesn't want there to be any doubt in Leonard's mind. "I Jim Kirk-McCoy, promise to do everything in my power to make plans that have me coming home to you."

"That's all I want, Jim," hums Leonard.

"Now, can we maybe take a moment to enjoy this view I found for us?" asks Jim, the sparkle returning to his eyes. He gets to his feet, offering a hand to Leonard.

A few minutes couldn't hurt. Leonard nods, taking Jim's hand. He's just made it to his feet when the shuttle rocks violently and the lights flicker briefly before plunging the shuttle into darkness.


	2. Chapter 2

The upheaval of the shuttle, throws Leonard back, sending him crashing to the floor. The hard carpet on the floor burns and scratches against his face as the momentum drives him along. Jim's in a better position, being able to grab a hold of the pilot's chair and keep his feet beneath him. Leonard can hear him frantically tapping at the console as he attempts to figure out what horror has its grips on them.

The jarring impact doesn't break anything but it isn't exactly soft. Leonard can already feel the bruises forming at different impact points. 'Shuttles are pretty safe' his ass. Jim's acrobatic manoeuvres were more than enough today, he doesn't need actual turbulence throwing their weight around.

"Shit," says Jim, banging his fist against the console.

God, Leonard doesn't want to hear that right now. "What's wrong?" he demands, wiggling into a sitting position. It's not like it matters much, the shuttle's too dark for him to see the look on Jim's face. He's not sure if that's a good thing or not right now, but Jim's usually pretty cool under pressure and this doesn't sound like calm.

"Hold on," snaps Jim. There's more frantic tapping but nothing changes.

Leonard's jaw clicks shut. He sits there alone in the dark waiting for good news- just him and the darkness because without the lights to showcase the walls of the shuttle, he might as well be adrift in the vast nothingness of space, or worse, locked up and frozen in an air tight coffin. There isn't even the dull hum of the engines or life support to drown out the rapidly growing pace of his heart as it begins to pound away in his ears.

And there's that feeling again- drowning in the murky waters of an endless void. He wants to call out for Jim, to have a firm hand to remind him he's not alone but his throat closes up. He's not just lost in the ocean this time, the waves are crashing over his head pulling him down to get swept up in the undertow.

He reaches out blindly, his hand bumping something hard, a wall-maybe? He continues to fumble along, looking for something familiar to reorient himself and confirm that he didn't get jettisoned out an air lock while a genetically enhanced super human chokes the life out of Jim. This time he hits what could be a chair. Or maybe it's the edge of a cryo tube lid that's quickly closing in.

Leonard squeezes his eyes shut tight. "I'm on a shuttle. With Jim," he mumbles. "I'm on a shuttle with Jim and not it a cryo tube." His shoulder bumps against something as he tries to crawl forward to where Jim should be. The darkness is closing in. The walls are getting closer and colder, and this time the damn lid won't open. No matter how hard he pushes or bangs against it, the cryo lid won't budge. He can't get out. He's going to be stuck here for all time-helpless.

Beyond the frost covered glass is Jim, beaten and bloody. Khan's not going to stop until he turns Jim's bones into pulp. All Leonard can do it watch. As Khan stands triumphantly over Jim's limp body, Nero drops his poisonous crippling slug on Jim.

" _Such a bleeding heart. You get to watch."_

Watching is all Leonard ever seems to be able to do.

"There," declares Jim as the emergency lights come up. It's mostly the soft blue glow from the console and the dull amber light of a few small pot lights near the floor, but enough that they can see one another. Life support is functioning so they won't freeze to death or run out of air, however the engines aren't taking them anywhere anytime soon. Jim sends a message to the Enterprise advising them of the situation. They'll just have to ride it out until the ship returns; looks like they're going to have time for that romantic stargazing session after all.

"I've got good news and bad news," declares Jim, swivelling in his chair. Crap, he's really starting to regret his decision today. Leonard's managed to crawl his way into the corner of the shuttle, looking far worse and distraught than Jim's ever seen him.

Jim's flying out of the pilot's seat and on his knees in front of Leonard in the blink of an eye. "Leonard can you hear me?" he asks frantically. He doesn't know where to put his hands with Leonard folded into such a tight ball. This doesn't look like the sort of episode regulated breathing or directed refocusing is going to abate.

Leonard doesn't really give an answer, just continues to shake his head and engage in full blown hyperventilating. Jim looks around the shuttle helplessly. This is far beyond anything Jim knows how to remedy. It's just the two of them and the only one that's any good in a medical emergency is having the medical emergency.

Jim curls his hands into tight fists and takes a deep breath. Watching Leonard hyperventilate is making him hyperventilate and the last thing they need is both of them to pass out in a powerless shuttle. He spots Leonard's medical bag sitting on the shelf. He's been there more or less when Leonard's had to treat him for panic attacks, he can bumble his way through this. The situation isn't giving him much of a choice.

He jumps up and grabs the old worn kit that's seen far too much use in its life. "I've got his," he assures Leonard, or maybe it's an attempt to bolster some confidence in himself. He can feel Leonard's eyes on him as he rummages through the med kit. It's better than staring at nothing, even if Leonard's breathing is anything but normal. A response is a step in the right direction.

Jim looks questioningly at each vial he pulls out. Some are color coded and some have names printed on the vials with so many consonants strung together he doubts he could pronounce them. Nothing rings a bell from his own experiences and even if it did, Jim hasn't a clue how much to give someone. Jim looks apologetically at Leonard. "I don't know exactly what to give you." His husband is counting on him and Jim's so far out of his depth, it's almost comical.

"G…gi…give me th… th…that," chokes out Leonard as he desperately fights to get air into his lungs, "b…be…fore y…y…you hurt y…your…self." Last thing Leonard needs is Jim to accidently stabbing himself with something he's allergic to. His day is going just that well, Jim probably would.

Jim hands the kit over. He tries to pull the vials out so Leonard can see them better but if just feels like he's getting in the way. An eternity passes as he watches Leonard fish out the vial he needs with hands so shaky and uncoordinated it's like watching a seismograph go off. Jim should leave it in Leonard's hands, but the doctor's hands are shaking so badly he's having difficulty loading the hypo. "Here, let me," says Jim, grabbing the vial and hypo from Leonard. He slides the vial home, locking it in place. Jim angles it against Leonard's neck. "Here?"

Leonard nods quickly in jagged movements. The lack of proper oxygen is making his vision fuzzy. He can feel the cool burn of the medication entering his system as Jim dispenses it. In a matter of seconds his lungs and chest, which have been fighting their normal function, relax, slowly falling back into a steadier regulated rhythm. The wide-eyed panic vanishes from his eyes as they begin to tiredly droop.

Jim grabs him as the sedative takes effect on all his muscles and moves him like a rag doll until his head is propped in Jim's lap. It's kind of a relief to know he's sent himself off into oblivion where there are no air locks, cryo tubes, Neros or Khans, just sweet unconsciousness.

"I've got you," assures Jim, running his fingers through Leonard's hair as he drifts off. "You're safe with me."

* * *

Leonard runs his tongue over the roof of his mouth and teeth. It tastes like metal and morning breath. His head is practicing a steal drum solo and he feels like he tried to bench press a shuttle and lost. It's right up there with some of his worst hangovers. This is why he prefers the sedative properties of alcohol to chemical ones, because if you're going to be sporting that hangover feeling, you might as well earn it.

He still feels a little detached, which is probably a good thing, because shuttle in trouble, seems to be his trigger. Unable to dwell on that particular note at the moment is probably best for all involved. It can't be so bad though, he can hear Jim softly humming that song again; Jim's not the type to break out in spontaneous song when their lives are truly on the line. Plus Jim gets this intense twinkle in his eye like he's been waiting his whole life to get the chance to personally spar with death and so far, he's been rather giddy and relaxed not intense and alive.

Leonard clears his throat as he assesses what kind of motor skills he possesses while the sedative wears off. He's a little slow and a little sore. Probably a couple hours of muted terror in his future until his body decides he can reengage in a full-blown panic. There's a little trepidation flowing beneath the surface with all the intensity of an underground stream, but it's staying beneath the surface where it belongs.

"Oh, hey you're up," says Jim gently, abandoning his seat to rejoin Leonard on the floor.

No wonder Leonard's so sore. At least Jim found something to use as a pillow under Leonard's head. The chemical grogginess is going to be hard to shake but not as hard as the embarrassment of having an undeniable full blown panic attack. Leonard's supposed to be the one of them that has their shit together. And now his shit is very much out there and exposed, strewn all over the deck for Jim to look over and inspect or worse, trip over.

Jim helps him sit up. Just sitting up leaves Leonard needing to catch his breath; leaving this spot seems impossible right now. "Obviously we're not dying," grumbles Leonard, "yet." He's a little disappointed. Not that he's disappointed he's not dead, because obviously he's utterly infatuated with life and would love to continue the affair. No, he's disappointed that now his reaction feels like a gross over reaction. If he's going to have a meltdown would it be too much to ask that it was in the face of dire circumstance?

"I know it may not feel like it, but I promise you, you're not dying. I've got you." Jim's intimately familiar with the whole process and honestly he probably wouldn't be able to survive it let alone be as functioning as he is if it weren't for Leonard. Leonard's been the rock on which Jim's built his foundation. He doubts he's structurally sound enough to support Leonard, but by god he'll certainly try. He just hopes he doesn't let his husband down.

Leonard shakes his head, regretting it immediately as his stomach and vision start to roll. In his panic he might have gave himself a slightly higher dose than necessary. "No. The shuttle's status," he corrects. Medically he knows this incident won't kill him, hell, it's a biological reaction; it's the universe he's concerned about. It seems hell bent on using them for target practice.

Jim winces. "We're dead in the water. Just minimal power. Life support is functioning and I've sent a distress call out to the Enterprise," informs Jim. All things that equal less than ideal but nowhere near catastrophic end.

"Great. So we won't suffocate or freeze to death immediately," grumbles Leonard. The thought of being stuck in a floating coffin sends panic nipping at his heels and that underground spring of dread bubbling toward the surface.

Jim looks a little pained. He was aiming to be a little reassuring. "It might get a little cold. We have to put minimal demands on life support so I can boost the distress signal. Something hit the shuttle and damaged the relays from the outside. We don't have the parts to go out there and fix it."

Leonard thinks back to the graveyard of parts covering the shuttle bay floor. Great, sitting in the cold and dark in a floating coffin; the universe is really looking to test Leonard's resolve today. Who would have thought delivering a medical lecture to a bunch of Vulcans would be the best outcome for today.

"But we have blankets and each other to stay warm. And a romantic show to watch outside. Could be worse," says Jim with a seductive wink, hoping to shine some light on the bright side of this disaster. Or at least draw attention away from Leonard's mounting pile of triggers. He makes a mental note of each one and engages in a moment of self condemnation for not noticing them sooner. Jim's one job is to take care of Leonard; it's not like he has a career or anything to distract him from that, and yet somehow he's failing epically. "How are you doing?"

Romance is the furthest thing on Leonard's mind right now. It's been the furthest thing from his mind for awhile. Every night when he wraps his arms tightly around Jim, it's more for reassurance that Jim is safe rather than some play for sexual favour. He tilts his head with a fake smile that doesn't last long. "Peachy. Everything's just peachy."

Jim frowns. It's not even a convincing lie. Hell, Leonard's not even trying to make it convincing and that's its own kind of scary. He looks Leonard straight in the eye, all traces of humour replaced with steadfast seriousness. "Alright, hit me with it. How long has this been going on?" Jim's the master of hiding personal issues and this screams tip of the iceberg.

"What do you mean?" grumbles Leonard, bringing his knee up so he can prop his elbow on it while he cradles his head.

"As the resident hot mess in this relationship, I don't think that was your first one," says Jim. Leonard just looks away which is confirmation enough. He wracks his brain looking for signs that Leonard's been slowly falling apart since Khan but comes up empty. So either Jim's too much of a mess to notice that his husband has been suffering, or Leonard is remarkably skilled at deception. Either option leaves him feeling terrified.

"Don't worry about it, Jim," sighs Leonard. He can't burden Jim with the stress of having to worry about him. He doesn't want to worry about Jim worrying either. He'll get a handle on this, he always does. Leonard is very skilled at putting his jagged pieces back together into something that resembles himself. He's had to; otherwise those closest to him tend to cut themselves on his sharp edges. "How long do you think it will take the Enterprise to get the distress call?" There are more pressing issues at the moment.

"You always do that," counters Jim, a little hurt. Leonard knows every inch of Jim, every scar, both physical and mental. He's not sure he's scratched through the surface of Leonard yet. Sure he knows all the amazing things like how big Leonard's heart is, or that even after he yells at the junior officers for injuring themselves due to being klutzy he makes a point to subtly check up on them the next day. He knows the small things, like Leonard prefers the right side of the bed, or the handle to his coffee cup to be pointed diagonally away from him, or how he scrunches his brow in his sleep just before he wakes up if Jim's watching him. It's just the vulnerable dark parts Leonard seems keen on hiding since Jim originally declared his love.

Leonard's not up to arguing right now. Why can't Jim just drop it, or better yet, that tin can they call home show up on sensors and save Leonard from this? "Do what?"

"Act like I wouldn't understand." Jim tries to hide the bitterness from his voice but traces slip out around the edges. Out of anyone, Jim's probably most likely to understand.

"Would you?" counters Leonard, tiredly. Jim's so busy rushing headlong into danger to save people, Leonard highly doubts he spares a thought about the people that have to watch him do it. It's not that Leonard isn't proud or him or even a little envious of just how amazingly selfless and brave Jim can be, it's just hard to watch it happen. "Do you know what it's like to watch people torture one of the few people you give a damn about? All because they keep making themselves the target to protect you? You take to trouble like a duck to water. And I'm afraid one day I won't be able to put you back together. Haven't done the best job of that so far," he adds glumly.

Jim will forever carry the scars of Nero's handy work, both because Leonard was incapable of protecting Jim in the first place and because Leonard and modern medicine lacked the skills to repair Jim after. Leonard doesn't need to find new ways to pile onto Jim. And he certainly doesn't want to watch Jim find new ways to break himself.

Jim folds his arms over his chest. It hurts to watch Leonard beat himself up for Jim's choices. Especially when Jim's stats aren't any better. "I sat there plenty of times while they used you as a punching bag. When Ayel went after you for stealing those medical supplies, I almost died. And for the record, you're the only person I care about." Nero was a decade ago; it couldn't be possible Leonard's been struggling since then. He silently prays he would have noticed long before now if that was the issue.

"Jim, I had to watch them take you apart piece by piece while they took away everything I needed to put you back together again. And the worst part, was when we were back on the Enterprise, surrounded by all the technological advances available, I had to sit there and listen to the medical report listing all the things I was never going to be able to fix. But do you know what really eats at me?" asks Leonard, his voice rising slightly. "While I was sitting there listening to your diagnosis of injuries sustained to protect me, I couldn't find it in myself to want to take it back, to set us on a different course where we didn't end up on that ship, because that ship was the place where you proposed to me. The most horrible moment in our lives and it's the soil that grew something so great."

"I don't regret it either," assures Jim. Yeah, he could do without the crippling injuries, both physical and mental but he's with the person he loves on an amazing ship with a crew that's slowly becoming family. It's not how he pictured it, but it is what he wanted.

Leonard's far from done. "And then Khan comes into our lives and tries to kill us all, and I can't even be completely sad about that either, because it's the most alive I've seen you in ages. And now we're on a ship where the opportunity to get yourself killed is around every corner and I have to worry you're going to chase that high right out the nearest airlock." Leonard waves his arms for emphasis.

"I'm not," promises Jim solemnly. That's not what he was doing… technically. It's not what he plans to do.

"It's a long life, Jim," warns Leonard, "I don't want to go through it without you."

"How long have you been worrying about that?" asks Jim, quietly.

"Since about a month after I met you. What idiot eats something they're allergic to?" demands Leonard, exasperated.

"In my defence," counters Jim, because despite all evidence to the contrary, he's not suicidal, "I did not know that was the Andorian word for Orion shell fish nor that you can make an alcohol out of it."

"You could have asked Gaila since she was the one that smuggled it back."

"I was too busy using my tongue for other purposes, to ask her anything," say Jim with fondness. Gaila was the first person Jim met whose broken pieces mirrored his own and managed to glue them back together with the same substances. It was great having a partner crime back at the academy. "I don't think you've been having panic attacks since then and over that, so how long?"

Leonard's life isn't built on that strong of a tapestry. If Jim keeps picking at this particular thread, it's bound to come undone. "I just have to start booking sessions with Dr Zuk again," assures Leonard. A little maintenance and self care and Leonard can shove the monsters back in the closet where they belong.

Jim hasn't heard that name in forever. Leonard started seeing Zuk after Boyce retired; Boyce who was assigned to certify Leonard fit for duty after Nero. Jim was rather proud Leonard stuck with it, long after Jim told his therapists and councillors where to go once he checked out of the hospital, and then again after he lost command. "You haven't talked to Zuk since…"

"Since we settled on the farm."

 _Oh._ That's longer than Jim thought. He was sure Leonard quit therapy after he resigned his active service in Starfleet. "Why'd you stop then?" asks Jim, not sure if he's prepared for whatever the answer might be. He reaches around the pilot chair to tap at the flashing button on the console that's caught his eye.

"What's that?" asks Leonard, jumping at the chance to change the subject.

"Resending the signal," says Jim absently before reengaging his probing of what appears to Leonard's closely guarded secret. "If you stuck with therapy for that long, why did you stop once we settled on the farm?"

"Because I could finally sleep," confesses Leonard. His throat burns as he stares infatuated at the lines on the palm of his hand; there's a few more than there used to be. "I didn't sleep when we got back, I couldn't. Talking about things with someone who wasn't there helped. You finally deciding to stay with me helped even more. I could go to sleep every night on the farm and know you were going to be there when I woke up, safe and sound."

"And you can't sleep now?" This is news to Jim, who sleeps beside Leonard most of the night.

Leonard shrinks in on himself a little. After everything they've been through, it's devastating to know he's the one torpedoing their relationship. "I fake it until you get up to go to astrometrics or the gym to throw Chekov against the mat and then I lie there awake until shift starts thinking of all the ways I've had to stand there and watch while someone tortures you." Leonard takes a deep breath. Confession is supposed to be good for the soul, but it's leaving Leonard feeling gutted. "It started before Khan, more around the time I got mauled on that planet. I was stuck in sickbay helpless to do anything to help you through your episodes. It's intensified since the cargo bay."

Jim's stomach drops. He pushed for Leonard to take the assignment on the Enterprise; thought it would be good for Leonard. "Do you want to go back to the farm?" asks Jim hesitantly. He loves what they have here but if it does this to Leonard, he'll spend the rest of his life on that farm never looking at the stars again.

"No," assures Leonard, looking up. "Jim, this isn't your thing, it's mine and I just need to get back to working on it. And maybe avoiding shuttles until I do."

"You can lean on me, you know that right? I promise I won't break," swears Jim, hoping it's not a lie. Perhaps he hasn't been doing a good job of proving that.

"I know," agrees Leonard. He knows Jim isn't Jocelyn, who threw Leonard away at the first sign of weakness. It's just a bad habit that's been ingrained in Leonard. "It just feels like added pressure I don't need to put on you. You shouldn't have to worry about me all the time."

Jim reaches over, intertwining his fingers with Leonard's. "We're in this together." He raises their hands and places a chaste kiss on Leonard's knuckles and a second one where his ring should be.

"When did you become the healthy relationship one?"

Jim rolls his eyes. It's uncomfortable being the responsible one. "I blame Sulu and Uhura."

Leonard chuckles.

* * *

"You should eat," suggests Jim, coming back with the other half of the sandwich he replicated earlier.

Leonard curls into his blanket even more. It's probably his imagination but staring out the view screen from the co-pilot's chair makes it seem colder in the shuttle. "No thanks. I'd probably throw up on you." He's still a little groggy and lethargic from the medication.

Jim just shrugs, stuffing his face. He flops down beside Leonard in the pilot's chair.

"How can you eat when we're going to freeze to death?" asks Leonard. The very real chance that they could die out here would steal his appetite even if he thought he could eat. Jim either doesn't suffer that same compunction or has more faith a miracle will befall them.

"We're not going to freeze to death," says Jim screwing up his face.

"Pelted by meteors then," concedes Leonard. They are in an asteroid belt after all.

"We're not going to… where do you come up with these things?" demands Jim, trying to wrap his head around the preposterousness of the scenarios.

"We're in a dead shuttle floating in an asteroid belt. It's not that much of stretch." Truthfully though, it will probably be some scenario Leonard can't conceive. A giant space worm will probably eat them alive.

"It's not dead, just damaged and we _have_ minimal heat." The way Leonard's carrying on you'd think they were in space suits drifting off into space alone.

"Whatever. Wake me when the ship gets here then," snarks Leonard, turning his back to Jim and pulling the blanket tighter around himself. Giving into chemical assisted sleep is probably better than sitting in relative darkness waiting for death. Besides, Jim keeps humming that tune and it has a way of both settling his nerves and irritating him.

Jim leans back in his seat, putting his feet on the console. The lights from the console bathe the cockpit area in an ethereal blue glow. Leonard has never looked more beautiful. Especially since for the first time in a long time Leonard's allowed Jim to see his cracks and broken pieces without fear Jim will cut himself on them.

"Though it's cold and lonely in the deep dark night, I can see paradise by the dashboard light," sings Jim softly.


	3. Chapter 3

It's a soft crackle, a gently disruption of the hum that soothes their lives, that pierces Leonard's sleep. A shame, because Leonard is actually enjoying his nap and the first glimpse of real sleep he's had in months. "..op it," he mumbles sleepily. Maybe if he can get Jim to stop screwing around with whatever he's found to focus his attention on, then Leonard can avoid the being conscious thing.

The crackle continues, interspaced with half broken noises that sound like they're trying to impersonate words. Curious, but not enough to drag Leonard away from sleeps loving arms. Jim's always getting up to things when they should be sleeping. Leonard blames Jim's genius IQ.

A shiver runs through Leonard. It'd be nice if Jim could do him the courtesy of not taking the blankets with him when he gets up to engage in his delinquency. Or better yet, if he would quit reprogramming the computer to change the temperature. Leonard was raised in Georgia not the north pole.

The frantic beeping of a touch screen being frantically attacked by deft fingers sends a rail spike of reality through Leonard's brain. It's not cold because Jim's a blanket hog, it's cold because they're stranded in a broken shuttle and frantic computer use cannot be good.

"Seriously, if we're in trouble here, like ride off into the sunset one last time trouble, you can tell me Jim," says Leonard cracking an eye open.

Jim taps a button on the corner of the consol, powering it down to stand by use and places his hands in his lap.

_Nothing suspiciously concerning there._

"We're not going to die here," says Jim looking a little exhausted.

"Oh? Are we drifting? Are we going to die over there?" asks Leonard pointing to a spot out there in the black displayed on the view screen.

"You don't trust me?"counters Jim, with that lopsided smile he knows frustrates Leonard. He knows it's nothing personal but it would be nice to hear Leonard say he has faith in Jim's survival skills.

"Jim," says Leonard in that tone he reserved for Joanna when she was little and trying to use child logic to get out of something or for the students that thought they had valid reasons for turning in an assignment late. "Something is clearly going wrong. Floating in space doesn't require that kind of engagement."

Jim shrugs one shoulder. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"That wasn't you, trying to reroute systems a minute ago?" presses Leonard. Clearly something is going on and Jim's desperately trying to fix it without worrying Leonard. This is exactly why he didn't want to tell Jim what's been bothering him. Now the adorable idiot is going to hide things from Leonard and Jim can't afford to keep things from him; that's how things spiralled on the Michigan.

"We're not in danger," insists Jim a little desperately.

"You don't have to protect me. You can tell me how hopelessly screwed we are."

"We're not!"

"When has anything good ever happened being stranded in space?"

Jim can think of a few things, though Leonard hardly seems in the mood for at least eight of them. "Everything's going to be fine."

Leonard's fuse is growing short. It probably wasn't that long to begin with. "Jim!"

"Fine, we're going to die so will you just marry me?" blurts Jim.

"What?" ask Leonard. He's pretty sure Jim just asked him to marry him, but that's ridiculous. Maybe he's having an aneurism? Panic induced psychosis?

"Marry me," repeats Jim, a little slower and surer. "Or, technically marry me again."

Leonard just sits there with a confused look on his face. He hasn't thought about re-marrying Jim. Actually, he used to think about it a lot, never having wanted to sign separation papers to start with, but Jim's made it pretty clear over the years that it wasn't something he was prepared to do.

"Some would take silence as a no," says Jim to fill the chasm that's filling the shuttle. He's feeling a little exposed. Neither of them had plans to go anywhere, at least Jim doesn't, so the answer shouldn't be that difficult. And yet, Leonard is sitting there silently with this frozen perplexed look on his face.

They have such a good thing going, Leonard would hate for that to change or worse go back to the way it was before the separation- when Jim was unhappy with the world and everyone in it and Leonard was terrified he was the only one desperate to be in the relationship. They've always been married in Leonard's mind. He talks about Jim as his husband, introduces him as such; it's why he couldn't get rid of his wedding ring. But there's something about it being official and undisputable that he covets and on some level wonders if Jim fears.

Jim Kirk is not someone that can ever be tied down. Leonard's always chalked up their relationship working after Jim filed for separation because Jim no longer felt trapped; that every day was a choice and not an obligation.

If Jim's simply proposing because of what happened on the shuttle today it would break Leonard's heart. He doesn't need a sympathy proposal or Jim to do it because he thinks that's what Leonard wants. Or worse, they really are going to die here and Jim's just trying to keep Leonard positive.

The silence is killing Jim. "You have some other marriage proposal you're considering or…?"

"No, Jim," says Leonard, slightly irritated. He's not in the mood for games.

That kind of hurts. Jim doubts Leonard will leave him, but hearing Leonard turn down something he knows Leonard has always wanted, turn down Jim being his legally once again, stings. "Right," says Jim, the smile returning to his face; he knows where he went wrong. He gets down on one knee. "You're a traditionalist. Leonard Horatio McCoy, will you marry me?"

"Get up, Jim," snaps Leonard. Jim takes things way too far sometimes.

"What's the problem?" asks Jim, honestly perplexed. "This is infinitely better than doing it in a Romulan dungeon. There's more romance and slightly less we're all going to die."

"The problem is everything is always a joke to you or worse some whim you feel like acting on as a lark." Decisions have real life consequences; which is what Leonard was trying to get at when he begrudgingly confessed the source of his growing anxiety. Now here's Jim making fool hearted, heat of the moment decisions.

Jim can't help but smile; Leonard's curmudgeon antics are endearing. "I swear, it's not. I've really thought about this."

"Thought? Don't hurt yourself now."

"Bones," laughs Jim.

Leonard crosses his arms. "How long have you thought about this? The last thirty seconds or since we got trapped on this death shuttle?"

Jim wants to bang his head against the bulkhead. "Longer than today."

Leonard rolls his eyes. Jim hasn't breathed a word about marriage in over five years and even then it was only to reaffirm it was an non start for him.

"I told you once that not marrying you would be the single regret of my life. That's still true today." The separation wasn't because Jim stopped loving Leonard; it was because Jim loved him too much. Leonard has spent every moment since they met looking out for Jim. Jim just needed to make sure Leonard had and escape pod ready to survive the inevitable tire fire that is Jim's life. Since Leonard is smart in all things except surviving Jim, Jim's selfishly going to hang on for as long as possible, in every way possible.

"I'm not lookin' to be someone's absolution." Leonard's been married for all the wrong reasons before. He's been married because he couldn't stand the thought of not having that kind of a bond with someone too. Now he's two times divorced with little desire to do it again if the results are going to be the same.

"We're practically married already. Hell, we tell people we are. So what's the big deal?" Jim didn't think this would be such a fight. This is nothing how Jim imagined this going.

"Exactly! What's all the fuss about? Nothing needs to change. Especially since you've never wanted it to."

"I want it to now. When you were injured in sickbay and they didn't know if you were going to survive, the only thing I could think was I had let the only thing important to me go. That if I held you at arm's length it would hurt less when you left because everyone leaves. But the truth is, it hurts more. It hurts more knowing you might think I didn't love you enough for this, that we don't throw it in the universe's face as the one thing it can't deny. And I'm sorry I'm not bright enough to realize how important things are to me until they're gone, but I love you Leonard, and I want that to be recognized in every way possible."

Leonard's kind of speechless.

"I love you, Bones. Will you marry me?"

"This would make a much better engagement story to tell Jo," replies Leonard, a little breathless. "But you do notice you only ever propose to me when we're about to die?"

"We're not dying Leonard. And I promise next time I won't do it when our lives are on the line," swears Jim. "How about a beach at sunset?"

"Next time?"

"Okay, spring time in an enchanted forest," suggests Jim.

Leonard just kind of rolls his hands over in a 'what the hell' gesture, while his tilts his head to see if Jim's suffered a recent blow that's making him especially dense.

"Okay," huffs Jim, "under the northern lights in an igloo, but you do hate the cold." He's scraping the bottom of his proposal fantasy bucket here and getting a little desperate.

"How many times are you planning on us getting married?" asks Leonard exasperated.

"Is that a yes?" asks Jim, elated and a little hesitant.

"Yes. But I'm keeping my last name." Leonard seals the deal by leaning over and devouring Jim with a series of kisses that are each far more passionate than the one that preceded them.

That was the kind of response Jim was looking for. He could spend the rest of his life in this moment and be perfectly happy.

"Now if you could just get us rescued, we could plan a wedding and honeymoon that doesn't involve an extensive stay in sickbay after."

"I'll do you one better," says Jim turning to face the consol. He enters his authorization code, bringing the shuttle to life. The lights return to their illuminating white as the hum of the engines fills the background. "Kirk to Enterprise," he says as he opens a comm. channel.

"Enterprise here," replies Uhura.

"We're ready when you are," Jim informs, like there was never a problem to start with.

"We're all set here. See you soon. Enterprise out," replies Uhura in her normal calm professional manner. There's no trace of concern that the shuttle is in danger or sent out a distress signal earlier.

Leonard sits there in disbelief. He's still riding the adrenaline high of being proposed to so it's hard to switch gears down from elated euphoria to pissed off and betrayed. "Did you fake an emergency?" demands Leonard, his brain still trying to catch up and slot all the pieces together.

Jim casually shrugs one shoulder. "Maybe a little."

"You faked us being stranded in this tin can of death," repeats Leonard, the words feeling funny in his mouth.

"You do tend to only accept my proposals when you think we're going to die," says Jim a little defensively.

"I'm going to kill you," declares Leonard, running scenarios through his head. He has a million of things at his disposal that he could use and make it look like an accident.

Jim's not looking for a fight. He focuses on plotting in their course and avoiding direct eye contact with Leonard for fear it would be like waving a red flag in front of a bull. "What about your Hippocratic oath?" The shuttle vibrates before going to warp.

"I'm going to kill you. Then bring you back. And then kill you again."

Jim has no doubt Leonard could absolutely accomplish that threat; Leonard's skilled like that. But for all his blistering and bitching, Jim knows Leonard's a big ole teddy bear that for some unfathomable reason thinks Jim's worth his love and devotion. Besides, Jim's pretty sure the ace up his sleeve is going to win him all the brownie points. "Well you might have to wait on the double murder because I have a surprise for you that can't wait until after."

"I don't think I can handle anymore of your surprises," replies Leonard sullenly from the co pilot's seat. He even makes the point to cross his arms and pout a little. Clearly Jim wasn't acting alone in whatever this plan is. Leonard makes a list in his head of all the accomplices Jim would need to pull this off. Uhura, probably Spock- most definitely that pointy eared hobgoblin. Vulcan medical conference his ass. Add M'Benga to the list and Chapel for good measure too. Physicals and a round of inoculations for all, plus double duty for M'Benga and probably Christine for helping to facilitate.

"You'll like this one, I promise," pledges Jim. "And if I knew you were going to have a reaction to being on the shuttle, I would have got Scotty to help me come up with a different plan." Jim can't argue with the ultimate result of today but it's not how he wanted to get there.

 _Scotty._ Where Scotty is, Chekov can't be far behind. _Chekov's on the shit list too._ Leonard thought it would feel better to be moving again but it's not as thrilling as he'd hoped. Perhaps it's the unknown that's promised to be awaiting him. "Wait, what exactly did you and Scotty do?"

"We rigged the shuttle to fail. In case you haven't figured it out there is no conference, but I needed to distract you away from the ship." It actually is a bit of brilliant engineering on their part, though highly influenced by Leonard's lack of shuttle know how.

"You rigged a shuttle to break down in the middle of nowhere! What happens if we actually got in trouble? What if someone attacked us? What if I tried to fix it?" Leonard's starting to spiral again. He's come up with about ten doomsday scenarios and highly doubts Jim gave consideration to any of them. Just another cliff with Jim leaping off. Leonard's too old to be looking after a man child.

"Whoa," cautions Jim. "First, the shuttle was never really broken. We created a subroutine to simulate damage and shut down systems. The program would end if I didn't enter a code every fifteen minutes so if something happened to me you would still be able to get out of here. I could also shut it down at any moment by entering another code. I knew you wouldn't try to fix anything because I'm here to do it, but if you did, the program would keep you from implementing corrections. We've been in comms range of the Enterprise the entire time, they could get to us in an actual emergency. And we're not in the middle of nowhere, in fact, we are very near a planet. I counted on your lack of interest in star charts and piloting in general, so I created fake ones that made it look like the asteroid belt was secluded."

There's a self satisfied smirk forming on Jim's lips that makes Leonard want to punch something. The kid's too cocky and he has every right to be. Leonard got played and played well. He needs to work on his issues before important things start falling through the cracks- like the details of today. "And just where are we speeding off to now?"

* * *

It's breath taking. Of all the things Leonard could imagine, he's never come anything close to this. The blue and white lilies are extravagant without being over the top with just a hint of lavender spread throughout the bouquets that cover the ivory colored walls and amber stained wooden benches. The hall is covered in faintly tinged grey candles, giving it a soft intimate glow that whispers romantic evening while the large stain glass window behind the altar lets the warm oranges of sunset shine through in a kaleidoscope of soft purples and pinks.

"What do you think?" asks Jim, stepping up behind Leonard and wrapping his arms around Leonard's waist. It was stunning when he arranged it in vids but seeing it come to life is rather magical.

Leonard can't really get his brain to form thoughts let alone words. This morning he didn't imagine it would ever be a possibility he would be legally married again now he's standing in a wedding venue. "Is this for…" he stammers.

"Us? Well I don't think our friends and family would go to all this trouble for someone else."

Leonard cocks his head to look at Jim in disbelief. It's all rather surreal. "You want to get married right now?" He can't believe the words are actually falling out of his mouth.

"Well," drawls Jim, "in thirty minutes. Figured I give you time to write your vows and get dressed. I mean the crew did do all this work and everyone is here."

Write vows and get dressed? Leonard is woefully under prepared to engage in anything so formal that's been managed to be put together here. He's a little perturbed that everyone could not only keep such a secret, but execute it right under his nose. This just didn't happen overnight; it's months of planning. "What am I even going to wear?" he certainly didn't pack anything for a medical conference that he'd want to wear on his wedding day- a proper wedding day with Jim to boot. It would be a shame not to have something nice to wear amongst such a pretty and obvious outpouring of love.

"I have your suit all ready for you, Daddy," says Joanna stepping into the foyer at the back of the hall. Her lavender dress sways and flows over the pale blue marble floor that rushes up to the threshold of the ceremony room where it crashes against the petal strewn cherry wood floor.

There's only one thing that can pull Leonard out of Jim's arms that fast. She's barely finished her sentence and Leonard is already wrapping his arms tightly around her. "You're here, baby girl." Hot tears well in his eyes; Joanna is the only thing that could make this magical fairy tale Jim's spun even more perfect. "I thought you had a recital this week?" he whispers in her neck, unwilling to let go just yet. He never gets enough time with his little girl.

"I'm not a baby anymore, Daddy," sighs Joanna.

"My mistake," concedes Leonard in a placating tone. "The recital?"

"My two favourite dads finally making it official, I wouldn't miss it for the world. Besides the opportunity to tell mom I was going to be passing up a chance to perform at Olympia Hall to watch you marry Uncle Jim is the cherry on the sundae."

"You're too much like Jim for your own good," chastises Leonard. He enjoys sticking it to his ex, especially when it comes to his happiness with Jim, but he tries to make sure his daughter stays neutral in their ongoing bitterness. Weaponizing his daughter's love seems like a sure-fire path to mutual destruction.

Joanna just shrugs. "Congratulations, Uncle Jim," she bids with a loving pat on the shoulder. "They have a room for you to prepare just at the top of those stairs. I'll meet you up there, Dad."

Jim bops on his toes, feeling entirely self-satisfied. "I said I took care of everything, Bones. There are some things I can handle."

Maybe Leonard doesn't need to worry so much after all. Clearly Jim does have the capacity to plan things out. Now if he can just convince Jim to use that skill more often.

"You better hurry and get ready. The admiral is officiating and you know he doesn't like to be kept waiting. I figured it was only fair to have Jo give you away since I asked you to marry me, so you'll be walking down the aisle. Jo and Uhura are going to stand up for you." It seems the most appropriate; Joanna's always held Leonard's heart since the moment she was born. Jim even went so far as to ask her permission to propose to Leonard again.

"I love you," says Leonard, and he doesn't think he's meant it more. He's just about to head up stairs when he turns back. "Wait, what would you have done if I had said no?" asks Leonard, looking around at the impressive volume of decorations and sheer number of friends in attendance. It was a hell of a gamble, granted the odds were in Jim's favour, but still.

"Well, then this would all be rather embarrassing for you," says Jim with an indifferent shrug.

"Embarrassing for me?" asks Leonard confused. He certainly wouldn't be the one to have to tell all their friends and family there wasn't going to be a wedding.

"Yeah. You turn me down, Scotty and Sulu would take a handsome, yet broken hearted friend drinking out of sheer pity for the love sick fool who had his dreams crushed. You, on the other hand, made all these people come here for nothing and at best get to sit at a table with Spock and Uhura while she glares daggers at you for a change."

"And why exactly is Uhara glaring daggers at me?"

"Umm, because she secretly likes me, and because I made her wear a bridesmaid dress in a color she hates for you. Now you better hurry, because my vows are going to bring the house down and I except no less from the future Mr Leonard Kirk."

"I'm still keeping my last name," hollers Leonard as he heads up stairs.

* * *

"Are you nervous?" asks Uhura as she straightens Leonard's medals on his uniform shirt.

Leonard frowns and pulls at his collar. There are few things worse than having to cram himself into Starfleet dress uniforms. "This things is a noose not a shirt. Why would Jim pick this?"

"He said he wanted to marry a handsome Starfleet doctor," supplies Joanna handing Uhura back her bouquet. "I brought you a proper shirt and jacket for the reception."

"He planned a reception too?" asks Leonard. He shifts his weight from foot to foot. He shouldn't feel nervous but he does. Beyond the beautifully carved wooden doors in front of him is the wedding he could only dream about, first because he didn't believe Jim felt the same way, then because they were going to die on the Narada, then again because Jim was injured and hating the world. It remained a distant fantasy when Leonard signed the separation papers and when he received the call that Jim was in the hospital under suicide watch. It remained wishful thinking when they settled on the farm and the furthest thing on his mind when Jim convinced him to accept Spock's offer as CMO of the Enterprise. Yet here he is, on the cusp of everything he's ever wanted and it's scary-exciting.

"Jim's been busy," confirms Uhura.

Leonard smiles, full and true. He never thought he'd live to see the day. "And you helped him."

Uhura sucks a sharp breath between clenched teeth. "He's grown on me. Like a Triellian bog fungus, but he's grown on me."

"Ready?" asks Sulu as he opens the doors to the hall. The music from in the hall floats through the foyer. Sulu leans down so he's at eye level with his daughter Demora who's been impatiently waiting for the adults to give her her cue. "Just like we practiced."

She nods her head, beginning her silent countdown from fifty to give Sulu time to take his seat next to Ben near the front of the venue. Slowly she takes her first steps in her white satin shoes, letting white rose petals and sparkling confetti drop gently down the sides of her lavender dress.

The gathered guests all oh and awe as the flower girl makes her way down the soft baby blue carpet aisle heading directly towards Jim who's eagerly waiting at the end for his husband.

Leonard feels a little less awkward seeing Chekov and Scotty standing next to Jim in their dress uniforms. Jim is in a tux that's been tailored to hug every curve and line of Jim's lean body that he loves. It doesn't hit him until Uhura starts her walk down the aisle, that the music playing is eerily familiar. "I know this," he whispers to Joanna, who's hooked her arm around her father's as she prepares to walk him down the aisle. "Jim's been humming it for months."

"Jim picked all the music and made all the decorating decisions. We just had to execute it before he brought you to the planet."

"Do you know what it is?"

"It's part of a song his parents used to listen to. He said it was about decisions and relationships that didn't work out the way they thought, but this chorus was about love." She gives a small covert wave to someone out in the crowd.

It doesn't escape Leonard's attention. He follows his daughter gaze to her boyfriend Skylar sitting near the front beside Ben Sulu. "You're not catching any bouquets today," whispers Leonard with a hint of humour but mostly parental horror.

The smile never slips from Joanna's faces as she counters, "Nobody is asking you to throw any." She knows Leonard doesn't have anything against Skylar personally, Jim's allude to as much. But sooner or later she needs to stop being 'little girl.'

"Good," says Leonard patting her hand. "One wedding a decade, that's the rule."

"Rules are made to be broken," she assures. She's nowhere near entertaining the idea of marriage but her father doesn't need to know that.

"You're no longer allowed to talk to your Uncle Jim," counters Leonard, playfully. Though he might have to have a word with Jim about encouraging such behaviours in his daughter.

Any nerves Leonard had vanish with the first step he takes into that hall. The sea of guests and endless possibilities for the future fade away and all Leonard can see or think about is who is waiting for him at the end.

Jim stands there, his gaze never wavering as Demora and then Uhura take their designated places near the altar. There's something about Leonard in his uniform that makes Jim weak in the knees. The blue compliments Leonard's hazel eyes in a way that puts to shame every spec of beauty in the universe. He was in love with the venue when he chose it, but seeing the way twilight filters through the stain glass and falls on Leonard as he makes his way down the aisle exceeds his expectations. "Though it's cold and lonely in the deep dark night, I can see paradise by the dashboard light," he mumbles to himself as Leonard reaches the end of the aisle.

Leonard kisses Joanna on the cheek as she lets go of his hand passing it over to Jim. She steps over next to Uhura, fixing her train as she finds her spot.

"Friends and family," begins Pike as the couple turn to face him. "We are here to acknowledge the love between James Tiberius Kirk and Leonard Horatio McCoy. In that spirit, the couple has prepared their own wedding vows." Pike leans in close to the couple, looking Leonard in the eye and whispers, "We have prepared our vows?"

Leonard nods. He's not completely satisfied his work but Joanna seemed to approve what he was able to come up with on such short notice. It's not the words but the sentiment that matters most; he's a doctor damn it, not a poet.

"Very well, Jim," says Pike, yielding the floor.

Jim turns to face Leonard, swallowing hard. He takes Leonard's hands in his. "Wise men say, only fools rush in. But I can't help falling in love with you. Shall I stay? Would it be a sin, if I can't help falling in love with you? As a kid, I used to listen to these playlists my dad made for my mom. All these love songs or songs about heart break and I never really understood them, understood what that kind of love was, until I met you, Bones. Like a river flows, surely to the sea; darling, so it goes some things are meant to be. You've been stomped down a few times and still somehow manage to be the most selfless caring person I know. Once you get past wolverine like exterior lies the most compassionate soul I've ever encountered. Even in the darkest light you manage to find the humanity in people. You don't give up, even when everyone gives you a reason to, and that's one of a million reasons why I love you. You make me want to be a better person, someone worthy of that passion and faith you put in people, that you've put in me countless times. So take my hand, Bones, take my whole life too, because I can't help falling in love with you."

Jim extends his hand out to Scotty who begins patting down all his pockets. A shade of worry passes over the Scotsman before Chekov subtly slips him the wedding ring. With a sigh of relief, Scotty hands the ring over to Jim. Jim doesn't miss the way Leonard's eyes light up as it dawns on him what Jim's just done.

"My ring," whispers Leonard, "you stole it." He's felt naked all day without it, like a piece of him was missing. He tore their quarters apart and spent hours fretting that he'd lost something positively irreplaceable- and apparently Jim had it the whole time.

Technically Jim did steal it, but it required a lot of stealth and distraction techniques not to mention lube and a fair amount of time trying to suck it loose. It was totally worth it. "Now I'm returning it, better than before." The light of the hall catches the fine engraving that now resides on the inside of the ring. _My love, the light in my life, you are my North star._ With reverent devotion, Jim slides the ring onto Leonard's finger- the proper finger this time, where it belongs, where it always should have been.

"McCoy," says Pike, giving Leonard the floor.

"Jim, I'm in love with how your soul's a mix of chaos and art and how you never try to keep 'em apart. I see everything you can be, I see the beauty that you can't see," starts Leonard, brushing away Jim's bangs that hang over the scar crawling across his forehead, "and there has never been anything or anyone I've wanted more. Growing old with anyone else just won't do. It's a difficult road we've been set upon, not one for the faint of heart. I met this kid on a shuttle at the lowest point in my life and while everyone said to stay away, that that path would lead to ruin, there was something there that just wouldn't let me listen. Two roads diverged in a wood, and I took the one less traveled by, and that truly has made all the difference."

Joanna wipes away a small tear before giving her father the ring meant for Jim.

Leonard's normally steady hands tremble slightly as he places the ring on Jim's finger. Nothing's changed from yesterday, yet seeing that simple, elegant onyx band on Jim's finger fills Leonard with love, joy and pride.

"Do you, James Tiberius Kirk, take Leonard McCoy to be your lawfully wedded husband, for the rest of your life and all that entails?" asks Pike.

"I do."

"And do you, Leonard Horatio McCoy, take Jim Kirk to be your lawfully wedded husband, for the rest of your life and all that entails?"

"I do."

"Then with the power invested upon me by Starfleet Command and the United Federation of Planets, I know pronounce you husbands for life. You know what do," decrees Pike as he steps back so Jim and Leonard can seal their marital pact with a long passionate kiss.

* * *

"So, what do you think? Was it everything you ever wanted?" asks Jim as he sways with Leonard on the dance floor for their first official dance as a married couple. There were lots of songs he could have picked, any number of Leonard's favorites, or even something modern but the sentiment behind Kina Grannis's rendition of _Can't Help Falling in Love_ seemed to capture the amalgamation of their love best.

"Hmmm," agrees Leonard, trying to soak up every minute of this moment as they dance to what will now be _their song_. They didn't have a song last time, or a cake or a china pattern. It didn't matter at the time, nor does this moment hinge on those things either but there's something solidifying about having these details- concrete, like the universe can't erase the evidence of what they have. "All I need is you. The rest is just bonus. But it is a beautiful breath taking bonus."

Jim put a lot of planning and detail into today. While it didn't exactly go as planned in the beginning, Leonard appreciates everything Jim managed. He couldn't ask for a better group of people to share this day with either. All of his reservations about accepting the position on the Enterprise and then officially accepting the assignment for the duration of its five year mission melt away. Things haven't changed with Jim, there will be good days and bad days, but as Leonard looks around the reception hall at all the people, friends, that turned out, and he doesn't have to worry about Jim ever being alone.

The song comes to an end; the dance floor slowly filling up with couples eager to try their hand at it now that the happy couple has christened it. "Looks like the cake is being served," says Jim as he grabs Leonard by the hand to lead him back to the head table. "Brown butter peach with your grandma's icing recipe," says Jim. He pulls out the chair for his husband before sitting down next to him.

"It's good," agrees Chekov, stuffing a forkful in his mouth.

Ben takes off his suit jacket and drapes it over his daughter, asleep on two of the chairs beside him. "We'll have to save Demora a slice."

Sulu nods, twirling a lone rose between his fingers as he leans back into his husband. He's quite pleased his crop of flowers turned out in time for the wedding. The days before his and Ben's wedding had been fraught with concern that his prize Hatourian Lilly wouldn't bloom on time. Everything here seemed to run smoothly.

"As maid of honor, are you going to indulge us with a speech?" asks Pike looking at Uhura.

Uhura rolls her eyes. "I'm wearing lavender. I think that's enough of a spectacle for today." The table smiles in appreciation of her sacrifice. She was glad to help create such a special day for Leonard, though she wasn't going to let Jim know, so she put up her usual indifference and cagey antics through every step of the planning process. She suspects Jim picked the one color she scoffed at for the dresses as his own way of torturing her. Revenge will be sweet and dispensed at a later date. "The best man can take that honor."

"That will be interesting," says Pike, looking over his shoulder at the bar where Scotty is making full use of its services.

"Did you know the function of the maid of honor was to marry the groom should the bride fail to arrive?" states Spock.

"So Uhura would have had to marry me if Leonard had turned me down?" says Jim with a wicked gleam in his eye and a devilish smile.

"That'd never happen," spits Uhura. "No way in hell. Leonard would be showing up even if I had to drag him to the altar by his ears."

Jim places his left hand over his heart, letting the candle light reflect off his wedding ring. "Ouch, that hurts, Uhura," he says feigning hurt. He couldn't imagine a worse fate but there would be a certain level of satisfaction in a union between them based on one upping each other in the spreading misery department.

"That's why I agreed to stand up for Leonard and not you," replies Uhura, with her own dangerous smile.

Jim cocks his head to the side. Shots fired and game on. Uhura's just made a mistake, Jim has lots of free time to plan new annoying antics in their well choreographed game.

The song changes again, to something more upbeat. "Do you mind?" asks Sulu gesturing to his sleeping daughter as he and Ben get to their feet.

"Go ahead," agrees Uhura. The child is asleep, looking after her isn't that difficult a request.

Sulu smiles as he escorts his date to the floor. Subtly behind Ben's back he points dramatically to the young nurse sitting at the next table that has been smiling at Chekov all night. It's the perfect opportunity because Chekov has been lamenting lacking the courage to approach said nurse for months.

Chekov turns bright red before practically smashing his face into his piece of cake.

"Uhura," drawls Jim with an eerie satisfaction. "What's your middle name?"

"I don't have one," states Uhura cold, yet firm.

"Isn't you r middle name…" starts Chekov, eyebrows scrunched in confusion.

"Finish that sentence and Leonard won't be able to put you back together. Your puppy eyes and curly mop won't save you," warns Uhura, jabbing her fork in Chekov's direction for emphasis.

Jim lights up like a kid at Christmas. "So you do have a middle name. Now I have something to work on after the honeymoon."

Uhura shakes her head. It's going to be a long five year mission. "Not all of us like to proclaim our whole name to the universe. I bet you even scream your own name during sex."

Scotty practically chokes on his drink as he sits down. This was not the topic of conversation he was expecting to return to.

Jim lights up, putting his elbows on the table so he can lean closer to Uhura. "There's an idea."

"One Gaila says you've already had," she retorts, copying Jim's position.

"How is Gaila?"

"Good. Sad to be missing this. Probably for the best, though. Nobody wants to see you impregnate her on the dance floor."

Jim doesn't break the intense stare he's locked into with Uhura as he asks, "What do you say, Bones? You want little green babies?"

Leonard rolls his eyes. He was so glad when these two gave up the pretence of mortal enemies a few months ago. He's not ready for a second round. "I'd rather my husband didn't fornicate with other people."

"I noticed that wasn't a resounding no on the baby front," chimes in Scotty with a happy drunk smile and slight slur.

"Well Jim could use someone his own age to play with," says Leonard, hoping to side step the whole conversation and all its pitfalls.

"Hey Bones, did you know Uhura has the suite next to ours at the hotel," says Jim casually as he wiggles his eyebrows suggestively."

"And?" says Leonard, with trepidation.

"We're going to go so hard tonight and we won't stop until she knows my name," declares Jim triumphantly.

It's only an Admiral and Captain sitting at their table- their Captain who happens to be involved with Uhura. Thank god Joanna left for the dance floor too. "Jim," scolds Leonard, trying not to blush. "She already knows your name."

"I'm just aiming for some auditory reinforcement," say Jim with innocent eyes.

"I'm staying somewhere else tonight," sighs Uhura.

Jim smiles suggestively as he twirls his finger in a strand of Leonard's short black hair. "You might learn something, Uhura." He tilts his head in Spock's direction.

Uhura crumples her napkin and tosses it at Jim's head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, Merry Christmas, happy holidays, and have a better New Year.
> 
> * songs referenced in story
> 
> Paradise by the Dashboard light by Meatloaf
> 
> (in Jim's vows) Can't help falling in love (originally by Elvis Presley but for this story the version by Kina Grannis)
> 
> (In Leonard's vows) Outnumbered by Dermot Kennedy


End file.
